Forgiveness

My wife and I are currently coming up on our 1 year anniversary. The first year has been great and has caused me to look back on where we have come from. I have the most beautiful wife in the world both inside and out. Its funny because some of those internal things, like her love for others, drives me up a wall! but we will get to that later. Our marriage and dating relationship has been one of many ups and downs. Most people would say that is true to every relationship, but this relationship is not your typical one.

You see at the age of 15 my wife was raped and to add insult to injury after this man was done he said to her, "Get out of the truck you fat @#$%^. I could do better." That statement has greatly affected more people than her for the next 10 years and will for many more years to come. My wife has suffered from anorexia, bulimia, depression, and STD's and not to mention the emotional scars left from that event. She and I have had many late night conversations, fights and everything else you can imagine all because of this one man. Because of everything she has been through, we have had to deal with many issues in our relationship. People tell you that marriage is hard, which it is, but pile on all the issues, medical problems, and emotions created nearly 10 years ago, it places marriage in a while different ball game.

As I mentioned before we are coming up on a year now, but it feels as though we have been married since we started dating 6 years ago. My wife and I met on a church mission trip, in which we started talking. We met over a game of basketball (Is there any better way to meet your future wife?!?!) in which she set a back door screen on me that almost made me nearly double over! (Girls just dont have all the guy parts...) After the mission trip we went our separate ways, but still talked. In this time of talking and becoming close friends is the only reason (other than God's infallible plan for our lives) we are together today. We would talk over the phone, via email and write letters back and forth while she was going to various treatment centers around the country. The funny part is we were dating other people throughout this time, but we always came back to one another. I dont know her whole story as to why she would always call me in her time of need, but I am certainly glad she did. Our friendship grew over the years and we dated and married and over that time I have had to work through several personal issues.

I will only discuss the largest one which includes justice and forgiveness. I would replay this scenario in which I would meet this man in Walmart or someplace and I would go up and beat this man to a pulp. I am 6'3" about 220 or 225 and can put a whoopin' on just about anybody, but this is not my job. I am not the law or God who is the ultimate judge. I whole heartedly believe that God is just, but was having a difficult time applying this in my circumstances. Why would God let this happen? Why would it be wrong of me to take matter into my own hands? Does God not see all the damaged caused related to this one twerp? I would be fully justified in pulverizing this guy if/when I met him. My prayer then became for God to teach me to forgive...and he did.

I posted a blog a while back in regards to Spaceman Spiff. This young man had raped a little girl. It is a touchy subject with me and I go from happy to pissed in no time flat when it ever comes up. As I listened to him sharing how God had been working in his life and how he felt God's forgiveness...tears began welling up in my eyes. I could see how thankful Spiff was God's grace overcame all that he had done and he was forgiven. In that moment I learned what true forgiveness was. It's the same forgiveness provided by God's grace that he bestows to all of us. The same grace and forgiveness I received all those years ago.

In that moment the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. I have been a Christian for almost 11 years now and know just about every answer to any question, but few of the knowledge I hold has been transfered into my heart where full comprehension is gained. I thank God for each of these moments in my life. Moments where I see God for who he truly is and no longer a man who I have read and study about. He is the only way I can continue my life in peace. I am eternally grateful for that.